How does this feel? Great, amazingly relaxing. Just what I needed. Sorry, I missed the next thing you asked.

~

I can’t really: not yet. I’ll get there … after working out how you can sit so comfortably cross-legged. I’ve never been able to do it. And as for the lotus position… OK, I’ll shut up and tell you what this is like: it’s lovely but I need to… Uh, keep going for a bit.

~

Of course I’ll be totally honest. Ah … I think I see what you mean.

~

It’s … no. Oh, this is going to take some guts. It goes against all I’ve ever been told to be and how men are supposed to act. You want the absolute truth? That makes me feel vulnerable as if I’m showing you how weak I am. Here goes then – anything for you.

~

It’s about how the back of my head, you know – the occipital bit, presses against your abdomen. And … and equally where your fingers touch me while you’re stroking my forehead. It’s … it’s … wait.

~

Sorry to take so long to think this through but I think I’m getting it. It’s so hard and sounds silly or mad. I’m forgetting the rest of my body and being just in my head. It’s about your abdomen … softness, warmth, intimacy. I think it’s your womb: I’m almost touching it.

~

Your womb – there I’ve said it. This is beyond anything… I feel like a baby being carried in you … or born in the last few minutes … just enough to have calmed down after all the fuss. Let me…

~

Yes… Sorry, I keep drifting away; this is so hypnotic. I lost the thread again. I don’t have words – this is from a time long before words happened so there are none to express it. I feel totally safe, loved, cherished … and … and I don’t need to do anything or be anything to earn it.

Just be me … just exist!

~

And outside of this state of mind … this place? … I mean out in real life I have to act like a boss, lead people, inspire them, discipline them – even fire them. It’s like another … a harsh … a fake nonsense… Where was I? I feel so comfortable right now … beyond comfortable. Sleepy but not sleepy like I’m exhausted or have to get up and go to work tomorrow, just sleepy because everything is right: there are no fears, needs – no anything: just this.

~

Sorry, I did actually fall asleep there. No, I’m not sorry because I think … that’s it: you don’t mind. Do you know how it feels to be comfortable, stroked and hear someone talking to you as you drift in and out of sleep? I hope it wasn’t rude … it’s a lovely feeling.

~

This all circles around closeness, touch, your womb and stroking. No wonder Neolithic people made those underground places with entrances resembling birth-canals. Whoever went in must have felt like this inside … something like this. It’s so primal, so fundamental, a sort of magic… Fertility, fecundity, care, safety, love … a celebration of … of … yes, a connection with magic. Everyone should feel like this.

~

Right, how can I make you experience this? What can I do? You’ll have to help me work this out. I have the wrong body for a womb. I really, really want to do something as beautiful as this for you. To know you’re going though it and I’m making it happen – can you imagine?

~

I want to take this feeling when I go back to work and remember it when everything… Bleh, I don’t like the idea of that.

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No, I mean I don’t like the idea of going back to work. Life shouldn’t be about careers and making a bunch of shareholders richer. I fancy doing something else but I don’t know what.

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Seriously? I don’t know. It’s a tempting idea though. Just a mad … or maybe not mad … this is my life we’re talking about.

~

This! This is what we could do! Somehow we could help other people feel like this and rethink their … oh … that’s what you’re doing right now, isn’t it?

©Gary Bonn, 2020