E₈ Smells

Catching the first post, I’m swamped with new messages from colleagues.

From Max I get the latest on the fourth phase of water – which he describes as EZ or exclusion zone. He reckons the concentrated negative charges of water molecules against a hydrophilic surface, such as air, explains surface tension and cloud formation. Max is a genius physicist and always at the cutting edge of everything.

The next post is not so interesting. Flossie has calculated the Coriolis effect on objects with long trajectories. This is typical of someone obsessed with, yet quite incapable of, catching frisbees.

The third post has me fascinated. Jock is deep in a thing he calls E₈ Lie algebras. He reckons that this maths explains not only how any quark can be any other quark but the system produces patterns even prettier than fractals – which always looked like cat vomit to me anyway.

On the subject of cats, last week Trixibelle, our local mystic, posted that the journey towards enlightenment is a destination and goal in itself. After all, she said, chasing cats may be fun for some people but no one is stupid enough to catch one of the buggers.

I had nightmares about shredded faces and tongues.

I try responding to Jock with a message to the effect that we have to spread the truth about materialism: reality may be pluralistic and lie more towards idealism – or Schroedinger’s cat will explode. Actually, that would be quite entertaining. Why is the subject of cats suddenly everywhere?

Our correspondence service, Scent Mail, is a super-efficient means of communication but I’ve barely finished compiling my message when my pet, Roderick (a human), pulls on my lead, and says, “Canis, do you have to sniff and piss at every damn street lamp?”

©Gary Bonn, 2019